“I’m sorry, but I’m just not up for it today.”
Hearing this from a friend newly diagnosed with a chronic illness can be tough. You want to support them, but it can be challenging to know if the support you’re offering is what they truly need or want. Do you feel like your efforts are helping, or are they missing the mark?
When a friend faces a chronic illness, flexibility and understanding become crucial. At Supportegy Wellness Coaching, we believe in the transformative power of peer support in every chronic illness journey. Understanding your friend’s needs, like understanding their love language, can help you provide the right support. In this blog, we’ll explore how to connect with a friend dealing with a chronic illness and practical tips to ensure your support is both wanted and helpful.
How Supportive Are You? 5 Peer Support Behaviors to Check
- Do you find yourself dismissing their symptoms?
Comments like “It can’t be that bad” might seem harmless, but they can make your friend feel invalidated. Instead, try to acknowledge their experience and offer support. - Do you get impatient or frustrated with changes in plans?
If you feel annoyed when plans change or get cancelled, remember that your friend might be dealing with unpredictable health issues. Showing understanding and flexibility can make a big difference. - Do you avoid asking about their illness?
It’s easy to skip over the tough topics, but taking the time to learn about your friend’s condition shows you care. Asking questions and showing interest can help you support them better. - Do you push them beyond their limits?
Encouraging your friend to do more than they’re comfortable with can lead to health setbacks. Respect their boundaries and suggest activities that accommodate their needs. - Do you exclude them from events?
Making compromises to include your friend in social gatherings shows that you value their presence. Find ways to adapt plans so they can join in without feeling left out.
Can you or someone you know relate to any of the following? While it can be easy to ignore, constantly undermining one’s chronic illness can feed into feelings of loneliness and pulling away from support. Let’s consider how we can shift behaviour or thoughts towards peer support to change the narrative.
If you are looking for chronic illness support for a friend, our chronic illness wellness coaching sessions can help you better understand how to support them and start the conversation.
How to be a Peer Support to Someone with a Chronic Illness
- Communicate Openly: Ask your friend about their condition and specific needs. For example, “What times of day are best for you to hang out?” This shows you’re willing to accommodate their schedule. Make it a habit to check in regularly with questions like, “How are you feeling today?” or “Is there anything specific you need support with right now?”
- Set Clear Expectations: Understand that their energy levels may fluctuate. Say, “I know your plans might change at the last minute, and that’s okay. We can always reschedule.” Be proactive by suggesting flexible plans that can easily be adjusted, such as, “Let’s plan for lunch, but we can switch to a takeout picnic if you’re not feeling up to going out.”
- Focus on Quality Friendships: Prioritize meaningful interactions. Plan manageable activities for both of you, like a low-key movie night or a quiet coffee catch-up. Instead of trying to do everything, focus on the activities that bring you both joy and comfort. This could be as simple as a weekly phone call or a monthly book club for the two of you.
- Leverage Technology: Stay connected when you can’t meet in person. Suggest a weekly video call or keep in touch through messaging apps to maintain your bond. You could also engage in shared online activities, like playing virtual games, watching a movie simultaneously while video chatting, or even taking an online class together.
- Celebrate Together: Recognize and celebrate their achievements, big or small. Send a thoughtful message or plan a small celebration to show your support. This could be a congratulatory note for completing a difficult week or organizing a small get-together to celebrate a milestone, like finishing a treatment cycle or achieving a personal goal.
- Join Support Groups: Encourage them to join support groups and offer to go with them. Share group resources or insights to show you care about their well-being. You might say, “I found this great support group that meets online every week. Would you like me to join you for the first session?” This demonstrates your willingness to understand their journey and provide companionship.
Never underestimate your impact on someone’s chronic illness journey by offering peer support. By being authentic in your relationship, you continue building trust and showing that you genuinely care about supporting friends and family in adjusting to new routines and social dynamics and creating a safe space for both of you.
Looking for new ways to support a loved one with chronic illness? We offer a variety of large group coaching sessions, small group coaching sessions and 1:1 wellness coaching sessions to help you learn how to be good peer support and find ways to talk about chronic illness openly. Connect with us today to get started on your wellness journey!